I have always wrestled within myself as not being competent or educated or having the confidence in my abilities to perform the call God wants for my life. There is a constant nagging in my life that pushes me back into thinking that the ideas I come up with are stupid and should never even be considered because I just don’t have what it takes to accomplish GREAT things.
It’s been crazy that the enemy has continued to tell me that God is satisfied with my mediocre status. There is no need to push, stretch myself, or resist the temptation to imitate someone else who has reached a level of success that I have not. To be really honest with you, that has even led to times of rebellion on my part. I am not sure what God wants from my life eighty percent of the time. In fact, many young people will ask me at what time of my life and what signs did I receive that I knew God wanted me to travel and speak. My answer is always trite sounding but very much from the heart, “I still don’t know what I’m doing!”
We all struggle. Everything from lust to finances to prayer to cussing a blue streak, and to the darkness of feeling insignificance. For me, it’s because I see time slipping by in my life. However I began to realize that the God of the universe whispers in the struggles, shouts in the pain, and releases anointing under the pressure more so than in any other time.
I visited a winery in New Zealand one time where they showed the slow way to make good wine. The process is simple, the first thing that must happen is you take your shoes off, climb into a barrel of grapes and start stomping! Well, that is not the WHOLE process, but that was all they let me take part in helping with. But I noticed something, under extreme pressure (as I stomped around), the grapes burst open, and the juice came out. Maybe there is a sermon in this somewhere.
Before Jesus went to the cross, He spent a night of prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane. The name Gethsemane literally means “the place of crushing.” It is where Jesus aligned His will with the Father’s will and forever settled humanity’s greatest moment, the cross (Mark 14:36). But the point is that in this garden, Jesus experienced a great amount of crushing pressure, and yet it released the final say-so in what God was about to do in this planet in setting a sin-sick world free forever.